Beef cake and chocolate……

I have eaten a lot recently, I claim I am still carb loading, replacing all of the vital nutrients that I lost while haul assing round the marathon ( not sure how many nutrients are in a scotch egg but I know  they are all vital). I don’t know how much longer I can use this excuse for. It was vaguely plausible after my second helpings to dinner on Saturday, but when I polished off my Easter egg on Sunday post brunch pre walk we all knew I was pushing boundaries. Big Ferrero Roche egg shaped boundaries.

It seems like rather a lot has gone on in the last week, but when I come to think of it I cannot remember, it may have something to do with the fact that my abstinence from alcohol ended last week, in celebration of the marathon and my birthday. All of the brain cells I recovered during my 4 week dry season , I killed spectacularly with limoncello and tequila, apparently being 26 gives me a taste for the exotic, if tequila and limoncello constitute as exotic? So things I can remember from last week, I eat a metre long pizza, I drank tequila, I eat a lot of eggs, I eat a lot of cheese,  I eat a chocolate egg the size of my head, and I had a disaster in the kitchen with a chocolate mousse. Gosh no wonder I am such a spotty horror this week, that reads like Kerry Katona’s breakfast.

I spent the Easter weekend in Lincolnshire, home of the sausage, Margaret Thatcher and not much else. It hasn’t much to offer culinary wise, (apart from my mother of course but she is originally from Yorkshire), so I decided to do a bit of research, and found out that Lincolnshire is famed for 3 things; 1) the aforementioned sausage, 2), Plum cake and 3) stuffed pigs back bone locally known as Chine. I stopped searching after that.

I am all for offal, (and offal for all), but somehow stuffed pigs back gives me the heebie jeebies. I think it has something to do with ribs, as they give me the willies too. I always imagine someone playing the xylophone on my rib cage ala Flintstones and it gives me the hiccups. Which is one of many reasons that I can’t eat racks of ribs, other than the fact that I am a mucky pup and I tend to miss the meat and bite the bone and end up with a bbq sauce smile. I am pretty rubbish at eating meat of the bone in general. I would make a rubbish cave man’s wife.

Me as a Cavewoman , I think I wear the loin cloth well….

Which brings me on to my semi subject for today’s blog. What an excellent seamless link that was……The Caveman Diet, whilst happily watching re-runs of Come Dine With Me, there was a rather weedy looking man who made some big claims about the benefits of his Palaeolithic diet, I strongly disagreed mainly because my guns were bigger than his and also because you should never trust a man who cannot fill a pair of skinny jeans, technically, that said you should never trust a man in skinny jeans. So I researched this too. I thought at first it sounded rather fun, this is my attitude to most things, but as someone who has never been on a diet I think they probably are rather fun, as long as one doesn’t go too far! You get to eat out of Tupperware everyday and you can have treat yourself days, or themed days, today I am only eating purple food or food  that begins with C. That sort of thing. On the Cave Man Diet you get to eat lots of meat, game, fish, mushrooms and herbs and spices, tea is recommended as a healthy drink and grape juice also, which technically is wine, so I liked it even more. Then there was  a photo of a beef cake, I swooned at his one leg on rock pose, and blushed at his “one day my body could be yours” look and I was all set to remove Dan Snow as my screen saver and swear my allegiance to my beef cake, but then I read a bit further on and the beef cake said lots of people are put off by the regular intake of “organ meats”, as I said I like some offal (oh another seamless link, I think I am getting the hang of this) but I will not be regularly chowing down on a goat heart (apparently very high in iron), and then the side effects, “due to the high iron content of the diet spontaneous hair growth can occur more often than not“, I will not go into the other side effects but let’s just say it has put me off my beef cake.

So I am now in a rather morose mood, my new diet was extinct before lunch and my beef cake has flatulence, I have lost my faith in Come Dine With Me, and I have spotty chocolate face of bubonic proportions, so to cheer myself up I goggled my cave man name and it came out as:

Your Caveman name is: Lives In Own Little World

It may have a point…..

 

 

Rhubarb Crumble Cake

 

I used to make this cake a lot, when I was baking for the amazing Stewart and Co in Newcastle, it was always the first to sell out, even before chocolate brownies. I added some crushed and toasted hazelnuts to the topping which added a bit more bite, and the orange as well, as rhubarb and orange I think are very nice together. And as we know what I say goes!

Ingredients
3oz butter, 3oz caster sugar, 2 eggs, 3oz SR flour, 1 tsp ground ginger, zest of an orange Pinch of salt, Milk, 1lb rhubarb, 1 tbsp Demerara sugar

Topping – 2oz butter, 3oz plain flour,1oz caster sugar

Method

1. Heat the oven to GM5/190’C/375’F. Grease and line an 8’’ round cake tin. I am not sure I have ever measured a tin, but this cake is very forgiving, I used to triple it according to whatever tin I have, and have even made it in a La Creuset pot before.
2. Cream together the butter and the sugar, beat in the eggs and fold in the flour and salt. Add enough milk to give a dropping consistency.
3. Slice the rhubarb into 1’’ pieces and toss with the Demerara sugar, ginger and orange zest.
4. Make the topping by rubbing the butter into the flour and stirring in the sugar. Just as you would a crumble, and add the toasted and chopped hazelnuts
5. Turn the cake mix into the tin and arrange the rhubarb on top. Sprinkle over the Demerara sugar and the topping mixture and bake in the oven for 40-45 minutes until the cake feels firm on top.

 

Avocado & Scallop Ceviche

 

This recipe comes from the official Caveman Diet recipe, I thought it sounded rather nice, it was the best of a rather disturbing bundle of recipes and was pretty much the only one which didn’t involve “organ meats”. I have changed it ever so slightly and have re written it from the rather basic grunts and series of snorts from its original.

The idea behind a ceviche is that the acid cooks the scallops, so technically it is raw but very delicious, and originating from South America it is excellent with a bit of guacamole. But make sure that you use fresh scallops and if you can keep the shell as they are pretty. A few years ago when I was working on Embankment there used to be a lovely man selling the Evening Standard, yes you used to have to pay for it!!!  He used to yell all day, “Standard”, but he had a slightly funny accent, or maybe my hearing was awful, I thought he was yelling “Scallops”, I finally told him and he gave me a free paper every day, so this my  Scallop yelling Standard friend is for you.

4 Limes juiced

2 Lemons juiced

3Tbs Olive oil

1 Red Chilli

1/2 red onion finely chopped

1 big tomato finely chopped

Good handful of parsley chopped

Salt and pepper to taste

4 lb of fresh scallops cubed

For the Guacamole:

2 Avocados

Pinch salt and pepper

1 Lemon juiced

1 clove of garlic

1 green chilli chopped

1 TBS Natural Yogurt

Quite pathetically easy really….

 Finley chop the following:

 Red Onion, red chilli, parsley, tomatoes.

 Roughly chop the scallops

Juice the lemons and limes.

 Add salt and pepper.

 Throw into a bowl and mix around a little put in fridge for an hour or so, the scallops should go opaque.

For the Guacamole

 Blitz all of the ingredients in the blender and season to taste…

Er done….

Really yummy with flat breads torn up and toasted in the oven with a little olive oil some salt and turmeric.

Today I have mostly been smelling Hot Cross Buns

I know I probably go on about my mental state of health quite a lot, 3 blogs 3 mentions, and this is supposed to be a food blog, but I am getting a bit worried. I have been able to smell Hot Cross Buns all day. Since I woke up first thing this morning I could smell toasty, curranty, yummyness, with that sickly sweet hint of candied peel. Admittedly it took me quite a long time to work out what it was, I got distracted by hiding Rich’s porridge. Once I had finally and literally come to my senses and realised I  recognised that smell, it was a whiff of my childhood, minus the saddle soap and hoof oil.   

I could eat candied peel until the cows come home, more over  glace cherries.  It is a guilty, guilty pleasure, along with chocolate yazoo and cheese strings. As a child (and a damn cute one at that) I used to stick glace cherries on cocktail sticks and wander round the farm licking them, possibly the original Chubba Chop lollipop, although there was only ever one flavour but they both contain un warranted amounts of sugar and always  involved an impromptu hair cut when they got tangled in my mane, the same applies to chewing gum, and candy floss. Yes I had a mane, my knotty blonde afro could not be and according to Harriet, my sister, it still cannot be classified as hair.

Anyway back to the point I got on the bus, I smell Hot Cross Bun, (from now on I am going to abbreviate to HCB, as I have written Hot Cross Bun so many times it is now starting to sound odd), which is actually a blessing in disguise, as I seem to attract hobo’s who like to nestle against me with their un savoury smell. I get to work, I smell of Hobo but can still smell HCB, and before anyone asks I do not live or work in a bakery, I wish I did sometimes, that or a cheese factory or working for the Daily Mail, or as a You Tube analyst, or as a space cowboy, (not sure what it would involve but it sounds like fun).

When I commented that I could smell HCB’s, I got a funny look, and some unwanted attention, a lot of feeling my forehead, taking my pulse and general attempts at assessing my well being. Apparently you can smell funny things like tyres, onions, and  toast before you have a stroke, so I googled it and there is no mention of HCB smells, so I think I am safe. I haven’t told work this however and they have just popped off to the bakery to buy me some HCB’s, they did ask if there was anything they could do!

 So I accidentally squished him, maybe I hugged him too tightly? 

I thought everyone would be interested in some HCB trivia to amuse yourselves. (I am aware I am a little early for Easter, but I really wasn’t prepared for HCB’s to affect me in such a profound way, and no I have not bought shares in Mr Kipling, although that is an exceedingly good idea, hahaha, please tell me my attempt at humour is appreciated?).

“English folklore  includes many superstitions surrounding hot cross buns. One of them says that buns baked and served on Good Friday will not spoil or become mouldy during the subsequent year. Another encourages keeping such a bun for medicinal purposes. A piece of it given to someone who is ill is said to help them recover”.  HCB’s have not cured me off my madness so I am a little sceptical of this one, maybe I should eat more?

“Sharing a hot cross bun with another is supposed to ensure friendship throughout the coming year, particularly if “Half for you and half for me, Between us two shall goodwill be” is said at the time. Because of the cross on the buns, some say they should be kissed before being eaten”. I am not sure if the kissing refers to the bun or to the person eating it, either way I am going to make sure I invite my new celeb crush Dan Snow (yes  newsreader John Snow’s son is a fox) round to my house for tea.

“If taken on a sea voyage, hot cross buns are said to protect against shipwreck”. I get sea sick so I cannot tell you if this is true or not.  “If hung in the kitchen, they are said to protect against fires and ensure that all breads turn out perfectly”.

This is my new celeb crush Dan Snow, I know he doesn’t have much to do with HCB’s but he looks rugged and handsome, I wonder what would happen if I hugged him tightly?

After being physically and mentally over come with the Spirit of Easter (this happens at Christmas as well, I get silly on mince pies and all things festive, which is pretty much anything I want as long as I slip “festive ” in front of it, Festive Ham, Festive Sausage, Festive Biscuits, Festive Valium etc. ) I thought about baking some on the weekend, but as I was running through Notting Hill past the very lovely Rhodes bakery a few days after HCB smellathon,  I smelt and saw HCB again. It was like taking a red rag to a bull, I have no idea what came over me but it wasn’t pleasant. I started bargaining with the nice baker on how many HCB’s I could get for the measly change I had found it the bottom of my bag, it wasn’t much and I didn’t get far, and when I offered to take the stale ones off his hands I got scowls and a few sympathetic looks from the small crowd that seemed to have formed.  None of this was helped by the fact that I was bright red in the face, sweating and panting. Like a Lyra clad rabid dog.

I am ashamed to say this, My name is Lulu, and I am addicted to Hot Cross Buns.

 I was going to share a recipe for an yummy Hot Cross Bun Bread and Butter Pudding, but I realised that this will be the second custard based recipe I have posted, and I don’t want anyone to think as well as being addicted to HCB’s, Dan Snow, commenting on the Daily Mail articles and blogging I am addicted to custard also. So I give you a few yummy things for the weekend picnic. Have a look at my Recipes section…….

Pea Hummus (I can’t spell Hummus sorry Greece)

 

 

200g frozen peas
a tiny clove of garlic
1 tbsp tahini (seasame paste)

50g pecorino cheese (or parmesan)
Half a lemon juiced to taste

Olive Oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

If you are feeling a little extravagant a few Basil or mint chopped mint leaves is always yummy and makes it look pretty too.

Possibly the easiest and yummiest hummus known to man, and in my opinion all hummus is amazing so it must be good. I have substituted the peas for artichoke hearts on occasion which also works very well.

1. Boil the kettle
2. Pour contents of kettle over peas, and allow to sit for a few minutes.
3. Strain peas and run under cold water (this keeps yummy green colour) keep a few peas separate for making it look pretty
4. Finely grate the pecorino cheese
5. Crush the garlic clove any way you can
6. Add the ingredients to a blender
7. Add small amounts of olive oil until you have a smoothish consistency
8. Er that’s it.

Babaganous

3 Large aubergines

2 cloves of garlic

I lemon juices

1 tsp toasted cumin seeds

3 tbsp Tahini

Olive oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Another Middle Easter Pureed vegetable but this time the underrated aubergine. Which is actually a berry and has anti-ageing properties! Not recommended to rub directly onto skin…This recipe works best is you can scorch you aubergines over a flame, bbq, or gas hob as aubergines are the vegetable sponges (again still not recommended to use on faces) and will absorb all the yummy smoky flavours. This flavour can be achieved in a high oven or under the grill but there is also I have recently discovered Smoked Salt, which is actually very very good, although pretty spenny. Smoked Paprika is also a nice addiction but be sparing.

http://www.steenbergs.co.uk/product/929/smoked-sea-salt/1/3

Have a look at the amazing Steenbergs, who are herb and spice and all things nice alchemists in my opinion, and happen to be related to me. Clearly genius runs in the family!

If you are a penny pinching miser like me please have a look at my recipe on smoking your own salt, it is very easy I promise, and once you have smoked salt you can smoke anything pretty much. And smoking is cool!

1. Pierce the skin of the aubergines all over with a fork and choose your method, if using the oven or grill put on as high heat as humanly possible are the char the hell out of them, Gordon Ramsey in this instance you are mistaken, “if it’s black it’s cooked, if brown it’s not”. The skin should go black and dry and cracked and the flesh should be very soft.
2. Crush the garlic and juice the lemon…easy.
3. Toast the cumin seeds in a dry pan on a low heat; this will release all the essential oils, so when you can smell cumin remove from the heat.
4. When your aubergines are done scoop all the flesh from the skins and place in a food processor and blitz with the tahini, lemon, garlic, cumin seeds and small amounts  olive oil until you have a good consistency, you make a few chunks it’s a more rustic that way.
5. That’s done too….

 

Green Bean and pancetta Frittata with feta and quails eggs

The joy of a frittata is that they can pretty much be filled with anything you like eating or have lurking in the fridge. Sweet or savoury. And trust me they really are not that scary to cook, plus if it goes wrong, gets stuck to the pan or you get a little burny bit, then just take the pan on the picnic too, very shabby chic!

• 200g beans, French, broad, runner
• 2 tbsp Olive Oil
• 1 small red onion, peeled, chopped
• A few sprigs of thyme
• 6 large free-range eggs
• 6 quails eggs
• 2 waxy potatoes
• Pancetta or bacon
• 100g  feta cheese, crumbled
• small bunch fresh mint, leaves only
• Salt and pepper

1. Cook the beans in a pan of boiling, salted water for 2-3 minutes, or until tender. Drain well, then refresh in cold water. If your beans have little jackets on e.g. broad or runner, remove them, they taste and feel like finger nails.
2. Heat the oil in a small ovenproof frying pan over a low heat. Add the onion, pancetta and thyme and season with a pinch of pepper. Fry for 8-10 minutes, or until softened but not coloured.
3. Meanwhile, preheat the grill to its highest setting, and cube and boil your potatoes
4. Get a pan of boiling water on the go and depending on how brave you are feeling you can choose to either poach (tricky at the beginning but easy at the end) or boil (easy at the beginning but tricky at the end) your quails eggs. If you are poaching, it is far easier to break them into ramekins first as then you can fish out the shell if any accidents occur, I would suggest using small scissors to pierce the shells and membranes as they are a little fiddly.  Pop the eggs into very gently simmering water, you want them to still have a runny yolk so don’t overcook. Poached will take 30secs. For boiled get a pan of cold water and pop the eggs in, bring to the boil, as soon as the water is boiling remove the eggs and put into cold water. Then peel and be patient.
5.  In a bowl, whisk the eggs until well combined and full of air, then season, to taste, with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Add the chopped mint to the eggs.
6. When the onions have softened, increase the heat and add the potatoes and beans and gently add the quails eggs ensure they are all evenly spaced out and finally pour in the beaten eggs. Sprinkle over the crumbled feta. Leave the pan on the heat for 2-3 minutes, or until the underside of the egg mixture is pale golden-brown. (NB: Do not stir the mixture.)
7. Transfer the pan to the grill and cook for a further 2-3 minutes, or until the top side of the egg mixture is firm and pale golden-brown.
8. Place a large plate upside-down over the pan, then turn the pan over so that the frittata falls onto the plate. Or sack it off and serve it in the pan!